tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
