You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
