I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
