You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
