i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
