so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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