I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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