We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
