But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
