He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
