all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
