you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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