it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
