i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
