I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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