i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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