you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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