I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
