I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
