He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
where does the pee come out of this thing
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize