Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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