She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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