Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
