Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
