i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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