hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize