I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
