She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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