if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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