he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize