mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
