At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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