K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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