Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize