Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
