i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
