Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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