he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
