The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
only if we run a train.
done.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
