he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
