i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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