Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
