I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
