11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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