it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
