Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
