I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
