just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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