Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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