It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
