we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
