Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
