Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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