Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
