Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize