So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
