Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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