That's intense
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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