I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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