tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize