my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
