flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
