pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
