can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
