i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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