Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
