Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
